NEWCOMERS

The music was old-fashion, a 1960s playlist from Spotify. Well, I was having my beer, thinking about all that had recently happened. My friends showing anger, leaving me behind, leaving me alone. I felt really bad about myself. What was it that I did so often to others that made them away from me forever? I didn't know, I still don't. Loneliness is a strange feeling because you can surround yourself with thousands of people and still be lonely. Loneliness is the illness of the soul, and this times are lonely times.
The tragedy has always been around, one way or another. This loneliness I can't escape, not even when I was a child. It was like I was already dead, and I just remembering the life I lived, but it didn't feel real. Indeed, I always felt some sort of magic around me, a dark one. Not a curse, not like I was cursed, not at all. It felt like something different. As if there was too much light inside of me to fit society. I imagined people sharing what they had, I couldn't bare competition. I couldn't stand unjustice. And as the years past I was driving myself away from the rest. I started to feel appart very soon, too soon maybe.
Not being and anti-social by nature, I have always had the pleasure of sharing my time with many different kinds of people. People of all cultures, religions and backgrounds. At the same time my demanding character towards self-respect, and respect to the others I have usually ended up those realationships with these people. But I have learnt a great deal out of all these experiences. And my aim was to put all those people in its place in my mind, and to make a record of all these experiences. That is why I started to write this.
Even when I was a child I felt a natural attraction for newcomers. I really liked to see new faces, new children, new people to talk to. People that amazed me not only for their looks but also for they way of living. These people I am talking about, they were usually regarded as outcasts by the rest of my friends and, of course, by my parents. And this irritating people created a too much oppressive feeling to me and my relationships at the time. Teachers used to write a little paragraph about you every three months, describing your behaviour in school to your parents. And they were cruel, there is no other way to say it. Even though my grades were good, their decriptions of me were offensive: "He makes new relationships easily, but he finds it difficult to mantain them", "He is too demanding of attention",  "He is spoilt" and so on... I don't even want to remember those things because it still hurts, but they deffinitely marked my character. Moreover, I think it was unfair.
And now I know why they wrote it... And it feels even more unfair.
As I said before, I used to get along easily with newcomers. Not because I wanted to create new relations in a creepy sense, for convenience. But rather because I felt lonely, my 'friends' used to call me names, today we would say they bullied me. And so I was eager for feeling a sense of belonging somewhere, and I found it in the newcomers, because, for those close-minded people, they were outcasts, like me. And I felt at home with them. And they understood me, and I them.